If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
