I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
