One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
