from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
