Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
