Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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