I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if only i could text you this smell
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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