Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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