Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
