Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
