I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
