Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
