Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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