My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
