I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
