my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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