Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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