census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
