I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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