My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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