You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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