Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
