the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
either way he was missing a nipple.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
