the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
