it was like his penis was on wheels.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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