And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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