Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
