Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
