that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
