I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
