when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
