Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you had me at cake vodka
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
