I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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