I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
