vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
