He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
