is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
