Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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