Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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