He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think I died a long time ago.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
