The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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