That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
