i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
