Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
