Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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