The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
