Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
