I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
