and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
