Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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